Just feel lost and very alone. Despite years of praying for healing, I am still exhausted & depressed. I suffer from an autoimmune disorder which causes me to be very tired after a little activity. I now have my father to take care of, & my mother who is very negative. I feel so guilty because I can't tolerate her for very long. My 2 girls don't get the attention they need. I rarely cook for anyone any more because I'm usually in bed by 5or 6 pm. My husband works hard all day, comes home & gets on the computer. My 2 unmarried nieces have both recently had babies! One lives with a convicted felon who can't get a job. The other niece had twins 2 months ago & lives w a guy who has kicked her out twice since his children were born. They both drink and she is breast feeding. I am constantly worried about the babies. None of my friends bother 2return my phone calls, texts, emails although they know nothing that is going on in my life. I don't want to run anyone off so I don't tell them anything. Doesn't seem to be helping me maintain any friendships. I go to church & feel great while I'm there but come home to the same unchanged problems. My husband is very passive. Our house is in need of many repairs & we don't have the money to do it. I am so afraid I'm going to snap someday & take a handful of pills. I have plenty of antidepressants & meds for anxiety so it would be so easy. I have cried out to God so many times but never feel any peace or comfort. I am not the mother or wife that I long to be. I really don't want to be here. If it weren't for my girls I would have been long gone. The stress & pressure is more than I can handle & I wonder why God won't help me. I feel very unloved & useless.